Feeling Murderous? Kill with Kindness.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with all the hate in the world.  We have political hate, social hate, racial hate, religious hate, self-hate.  We hate everyone including ourselves, and when that happens, nobody gets along and we can't trust anyone.  This stress makes it hard to get through the day.  So how do we do it?

I challenge everyone to change their way of thinking today.

Today, forget yourself and do something for other people.  And I don't mean something big.  Begin doing things for people that you would want them to do for you, but the trick is, don't expect anything back.  I know, how crazy is that?   The truth is, a lot of us do things for people and when we don't get a thank-you or gesture of gratitude back, we get defensive and go "Well, that's the last time I do that for them!"

So open doors for people with a smile.  Let someone cut in front of you in traffic (GASP!  I know, this one is hard for me.).  When you are standing in line at the store, don't get all bent out of shape because the line is not going as fast as you want it to.  Smile at the cashier and say hello and thank you.  When you see someone, give them a warm smile.  Call someone and say hello, or Facebook/Myspace/Yahoo! Messenger/AIM them.

Do it for a day.  Don't expect a hug or a smile back or even a thanks.  Do it for the sake of doing it.  At the end of the day, think back on all the things you did for people.  It may be something big like letting them in front of you at the store or something tiny like handing someone a fork at lunch when you discovered that they needed one.  Congratulate yourself.  You don't have to be flippin' Angelina Jolie and the goodwill ambassador to the world to do something great.  It starts with a smile and a gesture of kindness in everyday life.

The next day, get up in the morning and tell yourself that you are going to find the opportunity to do something for someone.  At the end of the day, ask yourself, "what did I do for someone today?"

The truth is, sometimes you might get a thanks.  Sometimes you get nothing.  Sometimes you might get a dirty look or cautious expression from people.  Sometimes people are skeptical of nice people.  Change their perceptions.

Bottom line:  The world would be a nicer place if we stopped placing ourselves first all the time.  Taking care of ourselves is important, but often, the gesture of placing others before ourselves is overlooked because we're all trying to get a piece of the quickly-diminishing pie.

I get mad when people cut me off in traffic.  Like who are they that they are better than me?  But the truth is, I don't know what is going on in their life.  Maybe they had a death in the family and are distracted while driving and didn't even realize they cut me off.  Maybe they have a job interview or a personal problem and aren't paying much attention.  Well,  you say, is that my problem?  I have a lot of stuff to do too, why should I let them get in my way?

Maybe because it doesn't make us any happier, accommodating, or kinder when we think like that.  Sure, you have every right to just say to hell with them, I have stuff to do.  But how much happier does that make you?  Irritability can cause anger problems and sleep deprivation, which only causes us to be more irritable.  Instead, if we say, "go 'head, sir/ma'am, you can get in front of me," we let them through and even if they don't acknowledge it, we know in our hearts that we took the higher road and it can make us feel good, if we let it.  This doesn't mean we let people walk all over us, but if we have the opportunity to take the higher road, we should.  It's the nice thing to do.

So try it out.  Do something nice.  Make it a habit.  You'll just find life a little more cheery if you make the effort.  No, you don't have to, but what have you got to lose?

I'm going to try this out next week.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Love,
Charlotte

The Beginning

Several highly-unscientific-probably-very-biased Google searches revealed to me that there are roughly 10 million, or around 4% of Americans in some kind of therapy.  This really doesn't mean much when you take into count the economic crisis, unemployment rate, drugs, mental illnesses, and other miscellaneous factors.  It doesn't take into count how long they have been in therapy.  Are they a returning customer or was it just a free session they won at a bingo tournament?

The truth is, we don't really know, right?  We can guess, but the bottom line is:  A lot of people are in therapy.  Duh.  Thanks for the newsflash.

I won't go into the whole thing in this post, but in short, around October 2008, I realized I was in trouble.  I was in college at the time and I went to the student affairs office and asked to talk to one of the counselors.  It was free to students so I made an appointment and within a couple of days, I found myself in her office.

The first thing I did was to take an evaluation, which was a scantron-looking test that asked questions like "I hate myself" and you had to color in one of the circles to indicate how true or untrue that statement was.

Um.

I can't say she didn't help me, because she did.  I went back every week from October to December.  Before Christmas break, she told me she thought I'd make a lot of progress and that it was up to me if I wanted to make more appointments.

I didn't.

Because I realized something.  I just wanted to talk to someone.  I was having school overload, friend troubles, boy issues, family crap, and a host of other things in life that were stressing me out and all I wanted was someone to listen while I talked about it.

And that is where this idea came from.  Therapy for Free.

For obvious legal reasons I have to state the fact that I am NOT a licensed (or unlicensed, come to think about it) doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor.  I can't diagnose or cure anything.  If you have a medical issue, it would be best to find a professional, because no matter how much I'd want to help you, I am NOT a doctor, no matter how many episodes of Scrubs I've watched.  Good show.  Anyways.

Therapy For Free

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Somebody piss you off and you want to blow off some steam?  Lemmie know.

Want to rant about something that is bothering you?  Lemmie know.

Something or somebody make you cry?

Boy troubles?

Girl troubles?

Friend troubles?

Parent troubles?

School overwhelming you?

Bored and just want to talk about something?

Just feel alone?  Lemmie know!

The point is not whether or not you think it's important.  If you're feeling it, it's important to you.  And if it's important to you, I want to know.  Honestly.

I had stuff to say and I couldn't always tell my friends because sometimes I just didn't want them to know.  Or maybe they were the source of the problem.  Whether or not you fix the problem is up to you, I'm just here to lend the ear you need.

If you're thinking how lame this sounds, just think about all the pages on Facebook, Myspace, Bebo, or what's that other one....oh yeah, Blogger, that host millions of people just trying to get their say out.  But we don't always know if someone is reading unless they tell us or comment or something.  And isn't it a great feeling when you know someone has read and cares?  If that's not what you are looking for, then you don't need me.  But if you want someone to just listen to you and to bounce ideas off of, or even just RANT about some crap somebody pulled on you yesterday, lemmie know.  I'll answer back just as soon as I can.  And you can talk to me anytime, anywhere.  What you say stays between me and you only (unless you are, or are about to, hurt yourself or others.)

I'm just the listening ear.

So lemmie have it.  While I'm answering emails, I'l continue to post entries about stuff and maybe along the way you find something interesting or something helps you.  Who knows.  Whatever keeps us moving.  We're in this together.

Love,

Charlotte (Therapy For Free)